Eliza - A Special Connection

Eliza

Happy second heavenly birthday, Eliza. December 17th. Her birthday and my desire to continue to honor her inspired me to write and share this piece. 

Eliza and I were the same year and had many mutual friends. She was also from Atlanta and attended UGA where a huge contingent of my childhood friends ended up. Our paths had crossed in Atlanta and Athens, but it wasn’t until her cancer diagnosis in 2018 that we became close. I had just finished my chemotherapy treatments as she was preparing to start hers.

We were on the different sides of the cancer experience, yet were able to relate and create a special connection of support, trust and admiration. One of our mutual friends was Chappell. Chappell and I had gone to school together for 14 years before heading separate ways for the University. Chappell had become particularly close with Eliza during their post-university, professional lives in New York City.  

Eliza Paris Harrison (1992-2021)

The Heaviest News

It was June 2021 and I had just finished my English teaching contract in Valencia. I started my summer travels in Granada and then was heading to a small retreat center in the mountains in route to Sevilla. I was in a packed Blablacar (a shared carpool service in Europe similar to Uber but for longer distances) with four complete strangers when I saw an incoming call from Chappell; My heart dropped. That horrible sinking, sick to your stomach feeling. I never receive random phone calls and the fact that it was coming from Chappell, I knew she had tough news. 

Chappell told me that our friend Eliza had passed away the previous night after her years long battle with aggressive appendix cancer. I went into a state of shock; I wasn’t prepared for the news.  

Just a month earlier, I had been at Eliza’s wedding in Sea Island, GA. I hugged and laughed with her. She looked amazing, radiating happiness and positive energy. That said, I was aware that things were not as good as they appeared; she skipped attendance at the Friday night rehearsal dinner and the Saturday post-dinner band in order to get extra rest. But seeing her in person, looking young, vibrant and healthy, made me believe that she was going to be ok.

She floated down the aisle with her dad and completed her wedding vows with happy tears in her eyes. She made the rounds during the dinner to greet and welcome every single person with a huge smile on her face. She danced like crazy with her Dad, brother and husband. She was truly fuller of life and more beautiful than ever. 

May 8, 2021 - Wedding Day

Eliza and Greg walking down the aisle together for the first time as the Harrisons.

Forever Connected

I returned to Spain after her wedding feeling full of life and gratitude. I sent Eliza a text on my return trip letting her now how amazing the wedding was and how I would love to catch up when things had settled down after all the wedding craziness. Weeks went by, but I never got a response. 

Although I hadn’t received any update, she was on my mind and in my heart. Earlier in the year, I had started exploring creative writing, specifically rhyming poems and had just finished one about cancer, which included a few lines about Eliza. 

I reached out to her seeking her approval of the poem before I would share it on my social media. But I got no response… 

Eliza passed away at 8:22pm EST on June 14th, just 7 hours after my text was delivered. It didn’t surprise me when Eliza’s mom Sandra told me the time of her passing, 8:22pm, and that 22 had always been her favorite number. After all, I was born on August 22nd: 8/22.

Earlier in 2021 Eliza sent me a text that said: “Two years ago you were in nyc!!!! I loved our breakfast so much I just knew we clicked in a platonic way and you’d forever be in my life.” I’ll be honest, I had to google what platonic meant, but after learning the meaning, it totally made sense. 

She always voiced her support to me on my post-cancer journey. I know she loved to travel and found particular enjoyment in hearing about my adventures. She believed in me and the way I was intentionally living, often referring to herself as my #1 fan.

Back in that Blablacar, I was fighting back tears and emotions that were trying to come through. I knew I couldn’t just open up and drop this heavy news on these strangers, so I repressed it. Thankfully, I finally arrived at the Finca Vegana retreat center; a little paradise immersed in nature surrounded by mountains and full of friendly hosts. It was the perfect, most resourceful place to connect both with nature and myself and allow my emotions to come out. 

January 2019 - New York City

Quick one night stop in NYC on my way to Europe that we made sure to celebrate!

A Shift Inside

Soon after hearing about the news of Eliza’s death, I had a shift inside. During my years of travel and meaning-seeking I had come to develop a strong conviction in regards to what comes after death. The concept of death and what comes next is one that is very personal and can be complicated for different people, cultures, and religions. Ultimately all we have is our own experience and what makes the most sense for us. 

My experiences with ayahuasca plant medicine, my practices of meditation and yoga combined with my studies on different perspectives within spirituality have influenced my opinion on the matter. For me, there’s no doubt that that there is some form of existence after our physical bodies fail us. I don’t claim to have the details, but I can say that there is a strong feeling in me that believes we are more than just a physical body. I know others have different beliefs, and there is no right or wrong answer to these deep and difficult questions. 

In the days following her passing, I sensed Eliza’s presence. I started to feel a newfound strength and confidence. The picture below, with Eliza lovingly holding me, conveys the feeling I had that day she passed. That I’m in good hands. That she was a part of my journey now more than ever before. I felt more prepared than ever to let go of all the fear, insecurities and self-limiting beliefs that had been holding me back for so long.

The day I learned of Eliza’s passing, I was inspired to write a different rhyme. This one entirely dedicated to her and the feelings I was trying to understand and integrate around her life ending. The poem that day flowed out of me with little resistance (link to IG poem post).

September 2019 - New York City

In good hands.

Poco a Poco

When I arrived in Spain in 2019, I began exploring new interests and was excited by how much there was to learn about: yoga, meditation, healthy cooking, and endurance training, among others. When Spanish people would meet me, an energetic and passionate American, they would often ease my eagerness by telling me that my learning could be; ¨poco a poco¨(step by step or little by little in English). 

I started working with a therapist when I moved to Spain. Through this work, it started to become clear that personal growth and healing is a lifelong process; There’s no rush, and patience truly is a virtue. And thus, the phrase “poco a poco” continued to grow in meaning and significance in my life. 

I shared this phrase that I had come to love with Eliza and it seemed to also resonate with her and some of the challenges she was managing in her own life. She told me that she was thinking about getting another tattoo, and that “poco a poco” could be a good one. I had also been considering getting a tattoo of the phrase and had been drawing it in small cursive letters on my wrist for many months already. Eliza mentioned that getting the tattoo ¨maybe my wrist really small font,¨ would be a meaningful message and place. 

In that moment we agreed to get it together, but unfortunately we ran out of time…

When Eliza left her body, I knew with 100% certainty that I would finally be getting this tattoo because our shared journey through cancer and shared passion for life would forever be with me. This tattoo would be a permanent reminder to trust the process and enjoy every moment. It was also a tribute to a special person and the huge, positive impact she has had on me and our world.

Poco a poco. Step by step. Little by little.

Eliza’s mom Sandra designed the letters to make it even extra special.

Connecting with Purpose

The way Eliza lived her life, full of love and devotion in the face of unthinkable challenges, has deeply inspired me. It is difficult to put into words how moving it was to see her fighting for her life against cancer, while always finding a way to use her situation to bring more light, love and gratitude into our world. Eliza was a fierce lover, and if you were on her team she had your back. I am eternally grateful that she trusted me to be a member of Team Eliza.

My relationship to Eliza opened me up in new ways emotionally. I’ve felt the value of feeling my emotions without judgement nor trying to escape them. How giving them space and safety to be felt is one of the most beautiful parts of being human.

I believe that each of us has a unique skill set and offering to give to this world. Each of us has a purpose. I feel more confident than ever that I am on the path towards my purpose. That I am being exposed to the people and experiences that are guiding and supporting me. 

As I think about my life and all the things I’m excited to work on and the impact I want to make, I think about Eliza, her legacy and how I hope to honor her and it as I continue to find and embrace my own role in this life. I also imagine her saying, ¨Drew, poco a poco friend. Trust, we got this.¨  

You’re right, Eliza. Poco a poco.